Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
