Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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