Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're like the curious george of whores
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize