so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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