i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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