he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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