pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The struggles of a small town man whore
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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