So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize