After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
