Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
