I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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