I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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