guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
high people should be assigned attendants
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
