I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
