Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
