i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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