that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
