They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
