I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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