if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
