apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
