Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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