I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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