i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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