I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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