Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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