big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
