nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
