i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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