Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
