You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The Olympian is in my bed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
