return my video game
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
