so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
