He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
