yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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