Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
