That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
