So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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