yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
