Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You can't just leave with hair like that
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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