so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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