In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
handjob tips. give me some.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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