He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
