It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
