After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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