he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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