come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
