my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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