I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
