I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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