I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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