my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
