I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
