In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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