Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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