A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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