I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
