im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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