i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
