Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Michael Bay diarrhea
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
