So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
