Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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