The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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