I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
