he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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