just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
