Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
