I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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