so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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